Plain Jane is my other name

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I am writing this with a very heavy heart; my tiny heart cannot hold this disappointment anymore. The glam gods don’t want me anywhere near their clique! As in my face can’t hold make up for a whole day without me looking like I have been stung by bees, arrgh! Yaaani, one hour after applying makeup I’ll start having a tingling feeling and before I know it, I am looking for water or wet wipes to wipe the darn thing off. Mind you, I don’t like lots of products on my face cus the cakey feeling/look just wears my face off. My face just feels heavy and stuff.

For a few times I’d blame the sun, I’d blame the product but the other day I just realized I am meant to be a plain Jane all my life; just like the good Lord had intended. I rarely buy make up; the only item I ever bought was a compressed powder and trust me its been years. That compressed powder has seen better days. I am actually considering trashing it. The other make-up item was a Maybelline compressed powder that was actually a free gift, eeh the love of freebies might be the end of me one day. Some of you might remember a post I had made about a lotion that was threatening to de-melanin me; the Maybelline compressed powder came with it. The lipstick, I guess I pinched from my friend or my mother’s friend gave it to me; i just cant remember.  I have dark eye circles and its not that I don’t get enough sleep; I just don’t know why they want to make me look old before my actual old age comes. So I ask a friend to give me some concealer to put on my dark circles cus I was feeling a little playful; I was just in a good mood. I put on the concealer and applied some compressed powder to complete the look. I am looking all glammed up and stuff; I have a slightly pink/purple lippie and I could not get enough of myself.

Infact I went ahead and asked for the price of the concealer so that I can buy mine and stop borrowing make-up. She mentioned the price and my jaw fell down; I couldn’t believe that tiny thing was going for almost 2K. Maybe its not even much money but my penny pinching self finds it a bit too much. Anyhow, I am going through the day, admiring my face, working; practically minding my own business and then I realize my face is feeling a bit swollen. So I start moving my face muscles and it occurs to me my face is actually swollen on the areas I had applied the concealer.I ran to the washroom and cleaned my face and applied Vaseline.

I just sat there and complained to the owner of the concealer and made up my mind I’ll never apply anything close to make-up on my face ever again! Lets not even start with weaves and wigs; story for another day. So, if you see me with blemishes all over, dark circles and stuff, just understand the make-up gods don’t want me anywhere near them. I’ll just remain a plain Jane just like the good Lord had intended it. Besides, it is the inner beauty that matters, right?! Yah! I am fearfully and wonderfully made 🙂

Cheers to the New Month

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Do you remember that time you ordered something from Jumia, or Kilimall or even Amazon? How many times did you order the same item? Once, right? Also, that time you went to that restaurant and ordered a meal, how many times did you order the same meal, I suppose it is once. You definitely sat pretty like a good person cus you knew it’ll come any way. You didn’t keep on bugging the online shop personnel or that waiter because you knew it’s just a matter of time and you’ll have your whatever.  So what happens when you pray about something and you have to keep on praying about the same thing over and over again? Isn’t that like bugging your Maker? I know the good book says He’ll never get tired of us going back to Him but a soul can only take too much. This kind of nagging shows Him how small your faith is.

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Praying/asking for something over and over again doesn’t make it come quickly; what matters is the amount of faith you have. Pray once and then start thanking Him cus you know it’s just a matter of time and you’ll have your prayer request honored. No one likes an entitled spoilt brat as their child; that’s why you feel offended when your child or your friend makes you feel like it’s their right when you do something for them. Same case happens with God and with the Universe; be thankful and you’ll have even more than you bargained for.

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I may not be where I want to be but I have learnt that praying and waiting patiently without complaining is better than nagging and obsessing over it. Have positive vibes that at the right time, you’ll get what you have been patiently waiting. Start acting like you already have it and you’ll be surprised of how easy and fast it is to get what you want.  Faking it till you make it has never had a better meaning

So, start this month with gratitude; for all that you have and all that you are expecting.

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HAPPY MONTH FOLKS! ITS GONNA BE A GOOD MONTH, I HAVE A STRONG FEELING ABOUT IT!

LOVING YOURSELF IS A FULL TIME JOB; YOU CANT QUIT

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The other day one of my colleagues was to take us on a road trip, Shi and I, well, he was also part of the road trip. He however decided to bring along his crush which was ok with me until Shi pointed out how awkward that would be. I thought to myself, mmhhh, come to think of it, it’ll be awkward. Any who, it was already late and I couldn’t backtrack on my decision since he had asked if I was ok with it and I had said yes.. The D-day is here, we meet, we get to the car, awkwardness is already setting in and we are wondering how much we would ENDURE before we get to our destination. I guess the universe heard/saw our dissatisfaction because the car developed problems even before we left Nairobi County. And we happily exited from the car; eeeh, how sadistic can we get?

Same weekend on Sunday I pop into this salon after church cus my hair needed some TLC. Salons in my hood don’t need you to make an appointment, so you just pop in and have your hair done. This particular day though, everyone was busy and she decided to get me someone else to do my hair. I had to go to her salon to have my hair done. My hair is washed and blow dried and as we all know, once someone else comes in, your plaiting has to wait as she gets this easy money. Any-who, I don’t have an issue so long as it is one client; not 20 clients and yours truly has to wait. Anyway, as I wait for this client to be served, this salonist’s 4 year old daughter is being groomed to be a salonist and she decides yours truly will be her human mannequin. I sit there silently even as my head is being turned right, left and center and since I am a nice person, I let this baby practice. Any-who, she’s threatening to leave me with a broken neck and I nicely tell her to stop.. She throws a tantrum, I kid you not! Anyway, I stand my ground and she ends up sleeping out of anger.

People pleasers or is it people pleasing is a bad disease you know. We never realize we are pleasing people until we have already done it too many times, or until someone points it out. You realize I didn’t say no to my colleague bringing his crush along as much as it was supposed to be the three of us. Do you know why I might have said yes, because I didn’t want him to think I am a meanie, I didn’t want him to feel like I am selfish and stuff. I didn’t want him to say he’s changed his mind if his crush can’t tag along; beggars are not choosers J. Why didn’t I say not to the kid threatening to break my neck? I didn’t want to break her heart.

 

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You see why we say yes to please people; for love, validation, favors (just in case we need something from them at some point). I am naturally a nice person J and I am too soft as well, so sometimes I’ll just agree to do something even though it’ll inconvenience me. Other times I’ll say no but the guilt that will eat me up is just on another level. I can’t decide whether my neediness has a lot to do with it but I am trying to understand myself as time goes by. Someone says I am quite needy, hahaha! I don’t know about that but I am trying to enjoy my own company as days go by, damn! This age thing is coming with a lot of wisdom; the things I’ve learnt since I turned a year older this year are much more than I have ever learnt in my entire life! Story for another day J

 

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Can you say no to people pleasing? Yes, you can. How can you do that?

By knowing that you have a choice; yes, you have a choice, you have a freaking choice! You don’t have to say yes to everything. I know making that choice is the hardest but once you say no, more than once, you’ll get the hang of it. Just say no if you cant help on whatever, kesi baadaye( explanations later)

Think it over: Once someone asks for a favor, don’t blurt out a yes even before a second thought. I have this tendency of saying yes even before I think much about it. Of course once you give a yes, you are done for! There’s no going back. So ask for some time to think about it although once someone tells me they’ll get back to me, it translates into a no in not so many words. Whatever the case, after much thought you’ll know if you are in a position to agree to it or not

Love yourself! I can’t emphasize on this; I am still a long way into loving myself but I am making some good steps. We all know this validation seeking is because we don’t love ourselves enough and we think some external love will do us a lot of good. Unfortunately this external love does us more harm than good. By the time we realize what is happening, we are more damaged than we were before it came along. Put yourself first, love yourself so much until people start terming it as being selfish or being self centred.

Don’t give explanations as to why you cant: Once you start explaining yourself on why you cant, believe you me you’ll find yourself deep in. Some people just have a way of arm twisting you and being the nice you, you cant uncoil yourself from their pinky finger. You end up pleasing them at the expense of your happiness/sanity. Say no until you say what you are getting yourself into. As I said, it is OK to say no

Even the Bible says love your neighbor as you love yourself; yaani, love yourself first so that you can love your neighbor. By doing so, you don’t have to put up with people’s shenanigans so that they can give love in return..

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LOVE YOURSELF, LOVE YOURSELF! I MEAN LOVE YOURSELF

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My maiden hike-Mt. Longonot hike

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My maiden hike-Mt. Longonot hike

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Three weeks ago I made a rather hard decision; a decision of going up Mt.Longonot with Kenyan adventures. Yeah, I know I am making it sound like it’s a hike up Mt. Everest. It’s such an achievement for a person who generally hates getting tired and moreso from walking. I am not lazy just so you know; I just like taking breathers before I even get tired. A few days prior to the hike I almost gave up cus I had been postponing my physical exercises until it was the last day of getting my body physically ready. Come the D-day and I almost got late cus I cant keep time to save my neck. I woke up early although I don’t think waking up some minutes to 6 was early enough for someone who drags her whole self when it comes to getting ready for anything.  So, I leave the house at 6.30 a.m and the meeting time was supposed to be at 7.00 a.m, I take some minutes to get to the bus stop and that gives me 20 minutes to get to town. Bad idea! I get to the bus stop and a 54 seater bus has like 10 people, at 6.52 a.m the bus is still half full.  All the while I am trying to keep my nerves in check lest I start shaking because of God knows why. It is 7.00 a.m and the bus leaves for town; looking at the hiking’s whatsapp group( Kenyan Adventures on Facebook)  and all I can see is people asking where the bus is parked and I knew my goose was cooked.

Just like a typical Kenyan, I send a text to say I am almost getting there never mind I am not even halfway. The guy does not even text back and I hoped against hope that I’ll still find them there. Good luck I got to town at 7.15 a.m and I alighted from the bus and started running across the street like a crazy person. Eeeh, some touts told me to run even faster as if they knew where I was going. Luckily, on Sundays Nairobi is almost like a deserted desert, so there were no distractions of bumping into humans or people looking at you like you just stepped from the space.

I get to where the bus was parked after asking for directions cus when my nerves are on edge I cant think clearly. Have you ever been in such a situation where you’ve heard of a certain building and you’ve even passed there a few minutes but when you are not in your normal self you cant even remember the direction? Shock, shock, shock, the bus is half full, some got there and went to shop for snacks others had not arrived and to think I was worried sick that I might be left got me thinking why I was even worried. I mean most of us are African timers and when one says 7 a.m they might as well mean 7.30 a.m. I sit there sipping my tea (strong tea) that I had made in the house and never had time to take it. I don’t know what I’ll ever do to get time to do breakfast. Moving on swiftly, we wait for the late comers and since I didn’t have time to do my shopping for snacks as a result of bad time planning, I sit there and hoped we’ll be provided for with snacks. The good Lord heard my prayers though cus less than hour after our journey started, we got our snacks hahahahahaha! I mean we had paid for these snacks. Each row was to share the large pack of crisps and each row had a maximum of 4 people, some had three people though. For some weird reason the pack of crisps ended up on my laps after doing its round. So I ended up taking more than I should. Same thing happened when were coming back. The crisps pack ended up on my laps the darn time; in fact I took home the remaining crisps. Let us just say I took enough junk to last me a whole year; crisps, soda, biscuits, sweets, the whole works.

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We used the Mai-Mahiu road where we took some time enjoying the great rift valley escarpment although there was not much to enjoy cus the weather was not all that. Those who wanted to take breakfast did although I wasn’t interested as such. I thought I’d buy a soda but being the miser I am, I decided I cant buy a soda or even any other drink at a 100 bob almost double the price in the normal shops. Even the water bottle ( half a litre) we buy at 20 or 30 shillings was going for 75 shillings, imagine that! So, when going on such trips, don’t be like me, prepare adequately.

Fast forward and we are at Mt. Longonot National Park. We did some stretching to prepare the body for this much awaited hike.. Eeeeh, lets just say  the preparation didn’t help me in anyway cus I started getting tired even before I walked for 1km. For a person who cant take a six floor staircase without complaining, for a person who spends 8 hour of her life sitting in the office, 6 days per week, this was torture. I started questioning my life’s choices and why I paid to come and torture my body. I had already started and going back was not an option; I mean I am just starting to build on the “NO QUITTER” kind of life and I hope to keep the fire burning. So, the whole group slowly divided itself into three groups the first/(fast) group, the second( slightly fast) group and the third (slow) group. I was in the second group and my mates wont let me be left behind lest I went back. I soldiered on and made it to the first resting point after taking some very steep stairs, yes there are staircases on that terrain otherwise we’d have crawled on all falls to get up there. So, we found the first group there already and after taking water, licking on some glucose we continued with our hike. Did I say there was a lady who showed up with wedge open shoes? I kid you not! And we thought she had a pair to change into, shock on us when she said she was ok with her high heeled shoes. Surprisingly she finished the hike before the rest of us; she was among the first group and even when we got back to the bus she didn’t look like she’d just been run over by a truck like your’s truly.

We are halfway the terrain and we found some whites from the land of opportunities (U.S of A) on the same mission as us. Some were coming down hill while others were just a few metres ahead of us. It got me thinking, people come from continents away to come see/and hike while we are just here being too lazy to enjoy the beauty of our country. Anyway, with 8 to 5 jobs, 6 days a week, who has the time to do hikes and the what nots? Besides, there are better things to do with that money and torturing our bodies in the name of adventure is not one of them. So, this lady, Madison from the land of Trump and her friends kept on sliding and falling at times but they soldiered on. At some point, she mentioned her main goal this year was to lose weight and trust me hiking can make you lose weight. I wonder what other mountain she is hoping to conquer as the year progresses.

At the top of mount Longonot, some 2560 metres above sea level

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So, we all make it to the top and everyone was happy with their achievements. Getting to the top is approximately 3kms or so but being a rough terrain, you might think it was 10kms. Take pictures at the top, eat or is it lick glucose then continue with the 7.2 kms walk around the crater rim. I thank God for some nice chap that helped me carry my backpack that had my water and some girl’s (Maurine). Shout outs to Lee who helped a girl to carry her backpack and held her hand when the going got tough!  Let me shock you; there is a chap whose hustle is to sell watermelons and pineapples up there. I kid you not!  He takes his wares up there every damn morning and goes back downhill every evening. That kind of determination is what I need in my life. A piece of watermelon that we buy at Kshs. 20 in the normal streets/market goes for Kshs. 50 while a piece of pineapple goes for Kshs.80. By the time you are getting up there, you can even buy the piece of watermelon at Kshs. 100 cus your energy is so spent you might find yourself collapsing. Those fruits taste heavenly and they are so darn cold like they have just come from a fridge; just the right temperature at the right time to cool your body.

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Round the rim of the crater hike/walk if you like

After conquering the first part, you would like to conquer the second one, and as I said, I’m trying to denounce the QUITTER’S LIFE.  I follow my group since the first group is already steps or hills ahead. It’s all fun and games until we need to walk on all fours to keep our balance and not slide backwards; one misstep and you might find yourself tumbling down the crater( the inside part where only a chopper can get you) or outside the crater rims and end up on God knows where. It’s a hurdle after hurdle, taking pictures as we take breathers; the breathers came in handy cus the altitude was taking a toll on us. When we were almost getting to the highest point( the crater rims’ highest point) it starts drizzling and I ask one of my crew members (shout out to Charlo) to give me his cap to keep my hair dry. We have hurry to the resting point (the highest point called Kilele Ngamia-2870 metres) before the soil becomes slippery and stuff. We get there and it rains heavily and the raindrops were almost getting painful, whats  with the ice cold winds up there. I even thought I’d come down with a flu.  My shirt is already so wet, my fingers are already swollen and I’m almost crying but big girls don’t cry, hahahhaha! I console myself cus there’s a girl who cant see properly without her glasses; we all know they get blurry when it rains and she had to rely on her friend for directions and stuff.

Check out the experience at Olkaria Geothermal spa

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At some point I removed my shirt and remained with the spaghetti top cus I figured the wet shirt was making me colder. We are halfway our journey and some white guy with a famous football team’s t-shirt comes running and bypasses us; I’m left wondering where he got the energy from. My newly found friend figured he could be an athlete and I wondered if he came all the way from wherever to come and train in Kenya or if he was holidaying and decided to go up the mountain. Some two boys bypassed us and they were running. It hit me its either age is catching up with me (of course it is, who am I kidding J ) or I am just a lazy bum. I mean how can they be running when I can barely put one foot before the other?

Fast forward, we are back to the starting point at the top of the crater after much struggle. The crisps that always ended up on my laps came in handy cus we badly needed that energy. Getting down hill was not any easier. In fact, at some point I had to be literally dragged cus I thought my legs would cave in. I was the last person to get down there and the guide was getting worked up that I was keeping him from getting downhill fast. When we got to a safer place he let go off my hand and as soon as he left me, my legs could not hold me any longer and I fell on my bum. I sat there feeling sorry for my a** quite literally as I held back tears. I found my group after some time; I guess they were waiting for me and bless this soul who carried me a few steps to a flatter ground when my legs almost caved in.

 

The end

And it’s a wrap! I finished my hike, which was quite an achievement. That cliché; run, walk or crawl so long as you get there  had never made more sense in my life! I made it to the bus looking like a dying soul. Had my lunch at some minutes to 5 or is it 6 p.m cus I cant remember well. It comprised of a burger and a packet of milk. I took a few bites of those uncooked veggies they put there and wondered how people stomach raw veggies.  I am done with my lunch and I try to drift to sleep but I guess when you are uber tired you cant sleep. Even my eyes were tired, I kid you not! Its back to Nairoberry where I almost lost my phone to some two chaps who were trying some small talk with me; one was keeping the conversation going while the other was busy with my back pack’s zipper. My paranoia came in handy though.

I am back to my house and all I want is to hit the bed and ‘listen’ to my body. It is on a Monday morning and my whole body feels like its been run over by a truck. I spend the whole day in bed finishing my junk food cus I can’t even fix lunch for myself. Monday is over and I am wondering how I will sail through the week with a sore body, work and stuff; God help me.

It is Tuesday and I have been cussing like a sailor from the moment I woke up. Walking is a nightmare; I am waddling like a pregnant penguin. This week should end already!

Lessons learnt;

  • Exercise enough before taking on a hike
  • Prepare well with snacks and stuff the day before to avoid running like a headless chicken
  • Keep your phones and valuables in the innermost pockets where a pick pocket will have to wrestle you before they get them
  • Keep your radars high when strangers want to engage you with small talks in the streets
  • Get your body massaged after a hike

Next activity; zip lining J…. Stay tuned J

Being a parent (mother) in a blended family needs wisdom

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Us wannabe writers aka bloggers ‘collect’ stuff to write about on the streets of Mark Zuckerberg, hahaha! Do I even qualify to be a blogger? I don’t even know.. Anyway, yesterday I happened to see something that almost gave me a sleepless night and it’s giving me a mini migraine even as we talk. Hypothetically (although in this case it is a real situation), you get married to a white man, you are blessed with a baby girl unfortunately the relationship doesn’t work and each of you goes their separate ways. Baby daddy gets married and proceeds to get a family while the lady gets into another relationship, ‘situationship ‘ if you like and another baby is brought forth but this time with an African(black). You’ll forgive me for using black and white; that is if it irks you.

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Fortunately or unfortunately the baby daddy 1 is responsible and takes care of his daughter, the same cant be said of baby daddy number two. In fact baby daddy two almost denied the baby but who is Mother Nature, baby came out looking like his twin, like a second pea in the pond. Now, this is where the problem comes in; first, there’s a complexion difference, I can’t believe someone called the biracial kid a ‘chotara’ whatever that means. Secondly, when the first born is picked by her dad, second born (a boy) is left with the mum and to say he’s distraught every time the sister goes away would be an understatement. Good thing is, the kids go to the same school courtesy of baby daddy 1; the only problem is the picking of the first born and the second born being left because when she comes back, she narrates about all her weekend escapades and the boy feels left out. Now, this mum is at pains explaining to the boy why he can’t tag along when his sister goes away. Of course this disparity in treatment is affecting the boy and their mother has no idea how to handle the situation. In fact the boy thinks he can’t tag along because of his complexion; poor thingL. Eeh, sounds like a Naija movie!

This is a very tricky situation for all parties because, one, you can’t force the responsible guy to hang out with the kid who is not his. Secondly, you can’t deny this father access to his daughter because you are trying to protect the boy child. Thirdly, you can’t force the irresponsible guy to take up his responsibility. Decisions, decisions, eeeh, being caught between a rock and a hard place; this is where being an adult becomes haaaaaaaaaaard! It is even harder being a parent to kids with different baby daddies and worse when there’s racial difference.

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Anyway, if you ask me, sleepovers should cease and baby daddy 1 to be visiting his daughter in her mother’s house. All presents bought should be shared between the two kids. If there are any toys, clothes or shoes, baby daddy one to leave the cash with the mother so that she knows what to buy for each of the kids.

Second solution; agree with this guy and his wife such that when the girl is picked, the boy tags along. Just once a month kinda thing won’t hurt their pockets. The mother can also chip in with the outing’s cost. But this might be tricky because this boy might still be treated differently

Third solution; the mother to get an uncle, a cousin or a male friend to be picking the boy (though this is to be taken with a pinch of salt cus the person might abuse the boy). In such a case, the mother to tag along every time and yes, she foots the bill too. But still this boy will might have separation anxiety issues when the ‘mentor’ decides to walk away; poor thing L

Fourth solution: Seek counseling from a professional, prayers and fasting because this requires wisdom from heaven above. I won’t wish even my worst enemy to be in such a situation because it ceased being tricky a long time ago, it’s complicated, its messed up, it’s just tangled, all rolled up into one.

Fifth solution: make this weekend thing a one day’s affair and everyone including the guy’s wife to go on this date. This should go on until both kids are able to understand the situation and from there on each to choose what they want to do with their weekends aka free time.

Now, I think I am arguing a ‘cushioned point of view’ you know, it’s them and not me and chances are it might never happen to me. But if this was my case, I’d never let my kids feel the difference whether black or mixed. Make them understand they are sisters and brothers and that’s all that matters.

Moral of the story, when you decide to have different fathers for your kids although at times sh*t happens; let them be from the same race and the same financial capability (sounds like a gold digger’s line of thought but heck! Anything for my kids). Its easier to deal with other issues but not race issues; also equal treatment for both kids when one baby daddy decides to fold his legs and hands. Don’t let one kid enjoy all the niceties when the other is left feeling like they are a mistake on the face of the earth. By letting one to be picked and later dropped with bags and bags of shopping is just breeding hatred between the kids. This is how sibling rivalry is born and getting them to love another later in life will be an uphill task, the hatred will trickle down to their families; so tread carefully.

Bottom line, put yourself in her situation, how would you handle the situation different? Let me hear/see what you think.

 

 

Forgive even before they apologize

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They say the only two honest people on this earth are a drunkard and a child below 8 years; when they get to nine, they are already mini-adults. Well, ‘honesty’ for a drunken person is just an act of cowardice because they are not bold enough to say it as it is. Ask a child about what they feel about an outfit and they will tell you if it is smart or bland. They might not give the exact details but if they said it is not good, trust me it is not. The beauty about kids is that they’ll always say it as it is; they are better than your friends who will never tell you a certain dress doesn’t look on you. So, if you have a child that tells you someone has not been nice to them, trust them, they can’t make that up.

This is not so much about honesty but about forgiveness; I know that escalated fast. Anyway, we all get into nasty word fights with our friends, partners and well, pretty much anyone we have a relationship with at work or anywhere else. During that heated moment, we are bound to exchange nasty words that leave us so hurt and it only takes the grace of heaven to forget about it. When you get into such an exchange and if you have a chance to walk away, please do, otherwise no amount of apologizing will ever erase the nasty stuff you said.

Saying nasty things to your loved one is not something that comes to you when you start that fight. It is something you’ve entertained in your mind for far too long but you never got a chance of saying it. I read a post on Facebook sometimes back of sisters who got drunk and then started spewing all manner of horrible words to each other. They are uterine sisters (your homework for this week). In that moment of insults and stuff, one of the sisters let’s call her Delilah said the other sister, let’s call her Sarah is ‘dirty blood’ and some other evil stuff. So, Delilah was asking if she should apologize to Sarah since everyone in their family is up in arms that she should apologize.  My issue was not even apologizing but the fact that she had thought about dirty blood in her sister all long even before the alcohol came into the picture. She might apologize and even do a sacrifice to signify how sorry she is but the fact that she said it when drunk means that’s what she’s thought about her all along

Therefore, next time someone says you are ugly or you are fat or you are A, B, C, and D when they are tipsy and then cry foul the next morning, they meant every word they said. That to me is cowardice and it should never be taken lightly. Also, when they say something nasty when you get into a fight and a few weeks/months down the line they decide to apologize and include that line of ‘I didn’t mean to’, they meant exactly what they said.  I’m a firm believer of forgiving even before the wronging party apologizes because it just lessens your burden.

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Accept the apology when they finally decide to apologize and swiftly move on. I’ve been wronged one too many times but the best thing about this soul is that she forgets quickly. However, that does not mean I’ve given you a leeway to step on my toes every damn time. I just don’t have enough space for carrying grudges; they are too heavy.

Peace *insert peace emoji

 

Don’t play the shrink, just listen

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A few weeks ago a loved one lost her boyfriend and it has not been easy for her. We are trying as much as we can to be there for her. I can’t be with her all the time cus we are towns apart, but I try to talk to her whenever I can through whatsapp and messenger and once in a while i will call. Unfortunately, I realized I’m always trying to play the shrink whenever I talk to her and sometimes I end up saying the wrong things. At some point she told me I was missing the point and the very same day I made a mental note to stop playing the shrink. I have that problem of playing the shrink all the time, never mind I could do with the same counseling I try to dish to others. Sometimes being a first born makes you want to smother everyone else just because you smother your smaller brothers. You want to play mother to those who are younger than you. See my life 😀 , see your lives y’all firstborns.

Things you should never say to a grieving soul;

  1. I know what you feel

We have all lost a loved one at some point and one thing I can tell you, never tell someone who have lost a loved one that you understand what they are going through cus trust me, you have no idea. You could have lost your grandma but it was not her grandma; you have no idea the kind of a relationship they had with their grandma. Your relationship with your grandma is or was special; so is this grieving person’s, so don’t try to compare your pain because it is not the same.

  1. Try and move on- be strong for your kids

Never tell them to move on already; trust me you have no idea how much they are trying to not think about their loss. Telling them to move on already is like telling them to pretend their loved one never existed in the first place. Telling them not to grieve for long is like dictating how they should feel and when they should feel it. Sometimes as much as we want to feel happy, our circumstances do not let us and going with the flow is the only way out of the empty feeling. Telling them to pretend everything is ok for their children is an insult. As if the poor soul is not burdened enough by what they are going through.  The children also need to see grief in their surviving parent that is if they are not too young to understand.

Grieving in the very first few days or even months can be compared to having a major surgery like a heart surgery. You are not supposed to move from your surgery bed to running around fixing stuff in the house, preparing kids for school and stuff. You should first focus on yourself to heal and then you can slowly move to doing things the way you used to. Therefore, telling a grieving person to be strong for their child or children is like telling them to stop being selfish in their grief and look after their needs first.

Not mourning enough because you are taking care of others’ emotions will only prolong the pain. Also, telling them that the pain will lessen with time is like putting a timetable for their grief or emotions. So, just let the person mourn at their own pace because hurrying them through the process will only leave them more hurt. Hurrying them through the process is like disregarding their feelings and telling them to find something else to think about cus their loss does not matter a lot.

 

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  1. So, how about the governor?

This kind of conversation might seem like you are being helpful to the grieving person by not mentioning the sad part. What they really need is someone they can hold with a real conversation; someone not afraid to talk about the sad and tough stuff. They need someone they can sit with; someone who can listen to them without feeling like they’ll be judged. If they will want to talk about the weather and other current affairs matters, be there for them. What you need to understand is that real healing comes after talking about the heavy matters and in this case the loss of their loved one.

  1. Cherish the memories

The last thing a newly grieved person wants to remember is what they had with their loved one. At this particular time, they are hurting, their mind is spinning on why it happened to them and so many other things; their faith has also been broken. Therefore, remembering old memories will only make their situation worse and creating new memories is what they yearn for but they just cannot.

What you should do:

Walk with them through the process; when they need you to listen, just listen, when they want to hear something from you, choosing your words wisely is paramount. Saying the wrong things will only undo the small milestones they’ve already made; I’ve learnt this all too well.

Encourage the person to mourn their loved because if they skip that step of mourning, coming into terms and learning to live with it, they will never entirely move on. Get them materials to help them cope with the pain; books, videos, audios; just anything to make the process less painful. And for Pete’s sake, just don’t play the shrink; if they needed one, they’d have hired his or her services. So, just listen when they need you to listen and talk when they need you to talk. If only we learnt to listen more and talk less, our lives would be better. Sometimes all we need is a listening ear and not a bickering mouth telling us what to feel and when to feel it. Listen more and talk less; cliché much but makes sense all the darn time

Should I use a bark collar?

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Should I use a bark collar?

Dogs bark when they are distressed or when they are hungry. Other times they’ll bark for no apparent reason which makes it annoying at times. Some breeds are more prone to barking as compared to others. Whatever the case, the million dollar question is whether you should use a dog collar on your dog. However, before you get a dog collar, you should get to know why your dog is barking. The dog might be genuine sometimes but when it is just whining, a bark collar will come in handy. This site has nice bark collar reviews http://thepalacedog.com/bark-collar-reviews

How does a dog shock collar work?

For starters, shock collars are not a form of punishment; they serve to correct a certain bad behavior and in this case barking. With the time, the dog will learn to associate the uncomfortable stimuli with the unwanted behavior and stop. You need to make sure the collar is approved to make sure the shock does not harm your dog. Most shock collars will have several levels of enforcement such that the unwanted behavior can be dealt with accordingly. Many shock collars produce a beeping sound before the dog starts barking to serve as a warning. If the dog barks anyway, shock will be administered. The beep will also allow you to give a verbal warning to your dog. With the both warnings in place, the dog will refrain from barking.

The dog collar responds to the movement/vibration of your dog’s vocal cords, the collar will produce a beep sound and then go ahead and administer a shock stimulus if and when the dog barks.

Pros and cons of using shock collars

Pros

  • You can adjust the settings of your dog’s shock collar to whatever you think is tolerable for your dog. This is music to the ears of those who are still having mixed feelings about the shock collars. Other collars like spray collars are not adjustable making a shock collar your best bet.
  • Shock collars give fast results especially for dogs willing to learn and change. As for stubborn dogs, it might take some time but you’ll still get there.
  • With shock collars, you don’t need to be there to control your dog’s unnecessary barking. Shock collars can also be used as boundary controls as part of a dog wireless fence http://thepalacedog.com/best-wireless-dog-fence/ although you’ll need to train your dog first. If the dog goes beyond the recommended boundary, the shock stimuli will be administered and the dog will go back. However, shock collar or no shock collar, dog should not be left alone for long periods.

Cons

  • The shock is not very pleasant as much as it is harmless. Dog trainers recommend using positive reinforcement method of modifying your dog’s behavior in place of negative feedback.
  • Shock collars might instill fear in your dog and instead of progressing, they’ll start retrogressing. For example when using the shock collar as boundary training, the dog might refuse to go out of the house. The dog will fear anything associated with the shock and become withdrawn thus stressing him.
  • Some automatic and electric bark collars might go off intentionally especially those that detect sounds from the outside. This will lead to the dog being punished for other dog’s barks. In such a case, where the dog gets punished for other dog’s barks, the dog might get confused because they don’t understand why they are being punished.

In conclusion, using a dog bark shock collar is not supposed to make you a bad dog parent. Shared training sessions might see you and your dog improving on your relationship. Therefore, get a bark collar for your dog. It keeps your pet disciplined and out of the harm’s way

 

Ditch complaining; appreciate what you get

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Hello there lovers and friends, I haven’t written anything for months on end and to be sincere I don’t have a solid excuse as to why. Let us just say it is sheer laziness or lack of something to write or both. I’m getting my groove back soon and y’all gonna be needing time to read since there’ll be too much to read. I bet your year has started well and you are all ready to make those New Year resolutions happen. Me: I don’t have any New Year resolutions as per se but I’m trying to accomplish one, two, three things before mid year. So much for the New Year, other than I guess after the second week the year is considered old.

I hope one of your New Resolutions was to quit complaining. My boss is generous enough and gives us a 10 am snack which is always more than welcome for most of us who never have time for breakfast. Most of the time it is chapatti; which I have come to love but other times we have other pastries that I don’t like very much. So today, it was one of the pastries that I don’t like very much and I complained of how sugary it is, how I don’t even like it and so many other things. Never mind I ate the whole of it in less than 5 minutes. One of my colleagues has been taking note of my complaints and today he said how we like complaining over trivial things. Then it hit me that I complain just about everything. Sometimes I’ll complain the pastries give me heartburn, other times they are too sugared, and they taste horrible. Some other times, when there’s samosa and I need it warmed, I’ll complain it is too hot, other times when it is not warmed, I complain about why they gave me a cold samosa, arrrghh!

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Some other times the cup is too hot and I wonder why they got me a ceramic (china cup); the complaints go on and on. Sometimes back no one wanted to do anything for me (especially getting me the samosa) because I’ll complain it’s too hot or too cold. I’m starting to think I am a chronic complainer. There are normal complainers which are people having crappy days. As for chronic complainers, they complain about everything and anything. Look at the above scenario about the cake being too sugared, then the cup is too hot; the tea might be too sugared. Look at this other one; a chronic complainer asks for water and he’ll see how the glass is chipped and how the water is not as cold as they wanted. Then they’ll most probably see something suggesting the glass was not properly cleaned or wiped and how they’ll come down with some alien virus.

Thanks heaven for adulting, I’m complaining less these days 😉

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During lunch hour we were having this talk about how now matter how contented we look, there’s always something bothering us. For the singles, they can’t wait to have boyfriends and eventually get married and make babies. For the already married and they have two beautiful girls, they’ll still want to have a baby boy; I still don’t understand why people make it feel like girls are less of kids. Me: a child is a child so long as they are healthy. And I loudly wondered “what if God was a human being?” I’m sure all of us would be dead or living a very miserable life because he’d have thrown in the towel in frustration. I mean, we complain when it is too hot, we complain when it is too cold and when it rains too much we’ll still complain. Who wants to deal with that kind of negativity? Definitely not me, don’t give me that look; I’m willing to change for those close to me and for myself.

So, if you complain too much like yours truly, you need to let go of that negative energy and appreciate whatever life has to offer. If ditching complaining wasn’t one of your New Year’s Resolutions, then add it to your list….. Live everyday as it comes ; cliché much but STOP COMPLAINING!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To use euthanasia or not

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Yester night I was watching a movie; it is the only movie that almost brought tears into my eyes. Me Before You ….You see how how we check traffic on one side of the road while we are on phone, that’s how this guy got hit by one and he was paralyzed for the next 2 and a half years.  He used to be an adrenalin junkie, scuba diving, ice skating et.al but after this accident, he could only reminisce on his past.He was in and out of depression. He was confined to a wheel chair and he became totally dependent; had to move back to his parent’s house who hired a doctor and a minder (nanny).

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A still picture from “Me before you”

As usual, his girlfriend was the first to abandon him, and then his best friend could not wait to get his hands on her (typical of humans and particularly men). And they had the nerve to come and visit him; poor soulL.  Anyway, with time everyone other than his family abandoned him. Good thing is that his family was wealthy and he was fully catered for. He was always in a bad mood; never smiled for a long time until this pretty minder who desperately needed a job came on board and he was happy again. They ended up falling in love and toured some exotic places just to cheer him up. It was his mother’s idea to bring in someone pretty and chatty to get him out of depression and to convince him not to end his life. Yes, he had considered having euthanasia cus he was constantly in pain. Unfortunately this pretty lady whose name was Lou as she liked calling herself didn’t succeed and after a painful denial she let go off him and he died a happy man. He left her a good fortune of his life’s savings.

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One of the quotes from the movie

Why am I going on and on about this sad love story? If you had an option, would you rather your loved one went through with euthanasia or let nature take its course? I know death is considered a taboo in our continent but the rate at which terminal illnesses and road accidents are sending people to their early graves, maybe euthanasia can be considered as an option. As much as death is inevitable, no one likes talking about it. Even when someone is on their deathbed and it’s clear they will not make it out alive, we still want to hold on to hope that they will make it. It is ok to hope against hope but sometimes the pain is too much both for the patient and their family and mercy killing or pulling them off life support machine is the only way to lessen the pain for both parties. However, euthanasia is not allowed in Kenya; the Kenyan law prohibits anyone from knowingly, intentionally or directly causing death to another person. Maybe medics can take up the issue with law makers and just maybe, the burden of taking care of terminally ill might be lessened; for both the government and the affected families. Most western countries have adopted euthanasia especially if someone has been dependent on life support machine for quite some time. It is also allowed to end a child’s life if they have a terminal illness or they were born with a condition that will see them to the grave before a certain age.

Euthanasia is a debate that has been discussed over and over again and people will always agree to disagree. Some people will argue with Bible verses of how life should only be ended by our Maker which is alright cus he’s the Giver of life (save for atheists); but I’ll always love how people quote the Bible when it suits them. Other people will argue that there’s no point in letting a person suffer under your watch and you can do something to lessen their pain. Terminal illnesses are hard both for the family and the patient whether emotionally, physically or economically. Some illnesses leave the family literally begging for essentials despite them having medical covers. These illnesses exhaust the medical cover; eat up the family’s life savings, call for medical fundraisers and unfortunately the patient still passes on. its sad to see your loved one suffer and not know how to relieve the pain. It’s even sadder when they pass on.

To use euthanasia or not is like being caught between a rock and a hard place; you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Would you pull off your loved one from life support machine? Would you allow them go through with euthanasia if that was their wish? Would you consider euthanasia if your loved one cant make that decision either cus they are mentally unfit or they have been in a comma for far too long? Do you think euthanasia should be allowed in all countries? What do you think about euthanasia?