Answered prayers…….

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Who am I kidding? I can’t pull this one, I have been psyching myself up in the hope that things will seem right but no….It just doesn’t feel right. I feel like I am violating somebody’s rights. It might seem right to them but it feels horrible to me. This whole thingy has awakened my long dead feelings and at some point I have been thinking, damn, this is it! But deep inside me it still doesn’t feel right; there is just something that feels wrong. How do you explain to your friends even…. How do you explain to yourself when all has been said and done, when you sit down to reflect and you are left wondering what weed you had been smoking…..

Damn! I know life is all about making uncertain leaps but this I don’t think I want to. It looks enticing, what with all the innocence and the whole idea of feeling alive again but what happens after that. A heart break of the year… The heart break might not happen to me but how do I live with myself knowing that I broke a poor chap’s heart and felt nothing about it? Most of the times the heartbreaker feels nothing about it but does he or she ever put him or herself in the heartbroken’s heart? No, never! That’s how much I care for himI don’t want him to be left hating women for all I know…

Wait! Maybe this is myself I am talking aboutI am scared of loving againI am scared of laying my heart bare to someoneI am scared of the disappointments, heartbreaks and all the tears that sometimes comes with being in loveI have been reading too many ‘lived happily ever after’ novels and I always expect things to end well which rarely happens. I read somewhere that we are always on our knees praying to God for something and even when we get it we still continue to pray for it because we are still expecting the specific one we had asked for. This brings me to another update I read on Facebook the other day….Facebook will be the death of me one day, ha ha ha!!! Figure out this, you pray for a man, you get one, he doesn’t come like the proverbial, dark, tall, handsome and materially loaded man and so you keep on praying and wondering why God is not answering your prayersWell, He just answered its just that the man does not have ENOUGH SWAG, he he he…

So, in my case, maybe this is the man I am destined to be with and I am here still praying for one. One who comes with money, the one who can take me out for a good plate of sea food and exotic wine, for those rides in the wilderness and for shopping in Westgate shopping malls… I think its not even about the money, it is not even about the dates, not even about the shopping, I guess I still don’t know what I am looking for in my ideal man… I don’t know what I want, I guess I am still living in the past, I am still nursing my past heartbreak, I am still waiting for that reunion, the one that happens in soap operas, Damn! I am going to stop watching soapsThey are ruining my mind already and making me live in fantasy…

ION I miss a warm, genuine hug with a sweeeeeeeeeet long kiss and a cuddle in front of the TV in the evening watching a moviemmmhhhheavenly is an understatement….. 

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