‘Friends with benefits’ is not for the Faint heart

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We all like good looking men, men and women. Yes, men too like other good looking men, forget the not so straight men, the straight ones are what I am talking about. Did you know an interviewer will hire an attractive man as an employee to work as a team player only? However, if this new employee is being hired as a competitor, he will be discriminated. Yes, men also feel threatened by other good looking men. What I have never understood though is how a man will never say a fellow man is handsome or good looking. My friend and my cousin think men who complement others on how they look (I don’t mean dressing) sound so gayish..

Moving on swiftly, the other day, this fine creation of God approached me and I was so happy that the good Lord has finally found it fit to get me a companion. We chat and chat and chat some more and to my utter shock, he’s looking for a friends with benefit. In fact he told me he aint looking for a wife, he’s just looking for a good time before he can settle down. I thought to my self, fair enough, atleast he didn’t string me along making me believe he wants to make me a Mrs. I am a sucker for men who state what the want from the word go; I give it up for married men who approach you and tell you they are married take it or leave it. These are straight forward men who don’t want to string the poor souls along only to heartbreak them when they are all done with whatever. There is a special place in hell for people who string others along to use them for whatever; it is so wrong on so many levels. On the judgment day, the devil will have this evil grin when turning them upside down on the hell’s frying pan; and I will be having this evil laughter as a I watch them languish in pain.

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Anywho, matters friends with benefits; this is a convenient way of laying each other without any commitments. Unfortunately one of the parties will always develop feelings towards the other and sooner or later, hearts will be broken so bad, they will not know what hit them. Unfortunately poor babies come along and the parties involved trying to be responsible ‘settle’ for each other and that’s how miserable lives for the three or more souls are born. Of course one of the partners and in most cases it will always be a woman will think this is it; this is the perfect guy for me and my babies but deep down the guy feels trapped. For those people that are not too lucky, it is an endless war of child support, children’s courts, bitter life and so much misery. Its like being trapped between a rock and a hard place; you are trying to be responsible but on the other hand you don’t want to feel trapped.

I have heard a few stories; like one in a million cases where friends with benefits end up married and live happily ever after. As for the rest, it is heartbreaks, tears, bitterness and misery for a long time to come. People should know that if a person thinks you are only fit to be a fuckmate or a friends with benefits, chances are, even in a thousand years, their perception about you might never change. Therefore, don’t get into this kinda of an arrangement thinking that Mr. handsome will change and take you as a wife, it aint happening. If this kind of arrangement presents itself and you are thinking you should give it a try, don’t get into it thinking anything good will come out of it. Never develop feelings towards the other party (easier said than done). Don’t cuddle, don’t hold hands, don’t spend the night or whatever time you are hitting the sack, just don’t dilly dally. That’s how feelings are developed. In fact, don’t even cook together, watch movies or go for rides like lovers do. Finish your business, hit the door and close the door behind you. Don’t keep calling to check on each other, just call each other when the need knocks. However, this is a tall order; we are humans and we all need affection at some point.

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What I am trying say is, friends with benefits are a waste of time and a waste of emotions. It is a waste of both especially for the one who falls in love with the other party. You are so blinded that you don’t see other people who would appreciate your love, time and affection. Besides who wants to date someone who’s still sleeping with another one? You sit there hoping that this other party will finally say they want a better relationship with you. It is worse when you haven’t been in a relationship for a long time and this fine creation of God comes calling and you get into it body, mind and soul.  You might get into this arrangement thinking when time comes you will get out of it like nothing happened. However, when you need affection and someone shows it, getting out becomes a problem. Therefore, if you are the needy type, keep away from such arrangements; you will save yourself from so much drama and heartaches. Even when you are not needy, attachment takes a very short time but detaching can take eons.

As a parting shot, state what you want when you meet someone you would like to be with. Put yourself in their shoes just incase you are thinking of stringing them along. And finally, pray for wisdom and discernment (now I am sounding like my pastor) to know ‘em that are out there to string you along….

Happy relationships J

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