Stolen and not stolen kisses

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Yester night as I was going home from my friend’s, I passed by a couple seated on a foundation of an abandoned building. For some weird reason I found myself smiling so hard, thanks God it was quite dark cus some people I met would have wondered what was.  I could not help imagining how all the sweet nothings were making her giggle like a little girl. His hand was on her shoulder and I could imagine the butterflies in her stomach and the tingly feeling. See, when you are in love nothing else matters; its just you and your love interest. I could imagine her feeling all warm in her face and probably tearing at the corner of her eyes just feeling all so loved. Probably just before she goes home she’ll get a kiss and if the guy is a pervert will try to touch her boobie with the other hand down there trying to reach her panties if she was in a trouser or a skirt. I can imagine her pushing him away and the guy insisting on going on and on.  Yeah, yeah, don’t give me that eye of ‘who have you been dating’?

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That picture reminded me of my first kiss and let’s just say I still cringe at the thought. It was one of the most awkward moments of my life and well, I still wish I kissed my first love/crush instead of that first kisser. I have always heard stories of how first kisses were sweeter than the honey itself and given a chance, Lord knows I would have wanted to kiss my first time crush.  My only wish is that the kiss would have been better, you know with emotion and all. Who kisses a girl when their hands are still in their pockets? Yeup, that was my first kiss, dry lips, teeth knocking and let’s just say it, was not the best kiss ever. As much as I can remember, there were no emotions, at least not for me. I still don’t remember if he caught me off guard or I was also looking forward to the kiss. All I can remember is that there was moonlight, under some trees, just next to a stream….Yeah, yeah, just like it happens in the movies. The only difference is that this kiss was emotionless and totally awkward for me; I don’t know if he liked it. The other day I asked him if he learned how to kiss *chuckles*, yes I am ruthless like that…

And then I met this other kisser who stepped on my toes, and no it was not an accidental stepping, he kept doing it over and over again. I guess it was a way of showing domination. He was quite huge for me and lets just say scared doesn’t even start to describe me at that moment. From that time I avoided him like a plague until he moved towns. I met him sometimes back in this city (Nairobi) and he walked me home. It started raining while at the gate and being the good girl, I offered him a brolly that he brought back the next weekend. I was quite idle on the said weekend and we ended up going to Ngong Hills which infuriated my then boyfriend and I didn’t hear the end of it for weeks.kiss 3

When I went to college during my internship, I met this other kisser who kissed the breath outta me. You know those kissers who kiss your lips until they start paining and you still wanna kiss. Alfred or Alfie as we used to call him had these front upper teeth that made him the sexiest being on the planet, daaamn! You know the ones that seem to lie on one another and protruding just a wee little bit. Unfortunately he disappeared on me without a trace; sometimes I am tempted to think he was swallowed by the earth. Been looking for him everywhere and no one happens to know where he went to.

As years passed by, I have kissed a few frogs and there’s nothing as horrible as a bad kiss. Eeeew, sometimes you just want to throw up a little in your mouth. And its even worse if the kiss is being forced on you; you know, you don’t like him like that. There are those who kiss like they are trying to suck the devil outta you; you know the ones who leave your lips all swollen. They leave you with a badly swollen lip and a bad taste in your mouth. Too bad they don’t notice your discomfort and they want to go on and on. The gallons of saliva they leave in your mouth is quite something else. Your face is left all wet and sticky and you can’t wait to wash it off.

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close-up of young couple kissing

Siiigh! I could go on and on about bad kissers. Unfortunately men don’t want to be told how to go about it. I guess we’ll just have to keep on buying for them books that teach how to kiss. Unfortunately men don’t take hints too well and straightforward directions don’t work either. Talk about being damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

Have a good kiss day, will yah! Humor me with your kiss woes 😀

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